Sexuality is one of the most culturally suppressed parts of our lives. The silence and stigma that surrounds sex naturally extends to sex toys as well, and as a result, many people have false ideas about what sex toys can do. Here are some of the most proliferated myths about sex toys, explained and debunked:

1. They can replace a partner. Many folks will make jokes about how they don’t need a lover because they’ve got a vibrator. This can be misleading, but it’s ultimately not true. A vibrator can’t cuddle you, tell you it loves you, remember what moves work best for you, or quell your loneliness. Some people get jealous when their partner uses a sex toy, but those people need a bit of perspective, because they’re envying an inanimate object. Try as they might, sex toys cannot act as a surrogate human sex partner.

2. They will desensitize you. Vibrators have the ability to numb you out – that’s why they’re often used to alleviate muscle pain. But don’t be fooled into thinking that the numbness is permanent, because it isn’t. Not all people experience desensitization from vibrations, but for those who do, this problem is easily fixed by taking a break from your toy for a week or two – maybe longer, if you use super-intense vibrators frequently. After that, you’ll be as good as new, ready to feel every subtle sensation that comes your way!

3. They will stretch you out. The vagina is a mystery to many. It’s made of elastic muscle and is designed to withstand large objects traveling through it. Using a huge dildo on a regular basis might make you into a size queen, but that’s due to mental preference, not physical degradation. As long as you’re keeping up with your kegel exercises and not using anything so enormous it causes a tear, you’ll tighten right back up when you’re done playing with your dildo.

4. They will break inside you. A common fear about glass dildos is that they will shatter while they’re being used. To the contrary, most glass toys are made of Pyrex, a kind of glass that is much more resistant to shattering than the regular kinds. So unless your vagina is made of cement and has the crushing power of a pickup truck, you don’t have to worry about glass toy mishaps. Just make sure you examine your toy closely if you ever drop it, to check for cracks and chips, so you don’t hurt yourself on any accidental sharp spots.

5. Using them means you can’t find a sex partner. Sex toys are sometimes wrongly equated with desperation – a sort of “consolation prize” for people who can’t find a real sexual partner. While it’s true that many single people have sex toys, the same can be said for people in relationships. Your sexual connection to yourself doesn’t come to an end just because you’ve partnered up. Many, many people continue to use their sex toys while in a relationship, regardless of how satisfied they are by the sex they’re having.

6. Only women can use them. The majority of sex toys are marketed toward women; in fact, it’s one of the only examples of female sexuality being celebrated in our society, rather than demonized or minimized. However, there’s still a large variety of sex toys for men. Companies like Fleshlight and Tenga make masturbation sleeves, Fun Factory and Zini are among the companies peddling male-oriented vibrators, and of course, all anal toys can be used by anyone with a butt. Even toys designed for women, such as phallic vibrators and dildos, can be cleverly repurposed for male use (just don’t stick anything in your butt unless it has a flared base!).

7. They are an infallible indicator of what someone wants in bed. True, sometimes the woman who uses a large butt plug would like anal penetration to be a part of her partner play too, for example. But it’s wrong to assume that someone’s solo sexual life is a reflection of what they want to do in bed with a partner. Not everyone who uses a huge dildo prefers lovers with a huge penis (or with a penis at all, for that matter – plenty of lesbians use dildos and have no intention of getting near any penises!).

8. They are a less legitimate way to experience pleasure. Some people insist that vibrators are “unnatural” and that women should focus instead on getting off from “the real thing,” apparently not realizing that for many women, vibrators are “the real thing.” Some people just need a higher level of stimulation than others, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s becoming more and more accepted to bring a toy into the bedroom to spice up a preexisting sex life. There’s nothing wrong with mechanical assistance – after all, we already use machines to help us out in practically every other area of our lives!

9. You can lose your virginity to them. Er, no. Your hymen might get stretched or torn if you rush into using a large toy when you haven’t before, but your hymen and your virginity are two separate things. Using a sex toy does not strip you of your virginity; instead, it prepares you for sex by helping you learn what you like and how to get yourself off.

10. They will lower your libido. Some people think that if you’re using a sex toy regularly, you won’t have as much need or desire for sex with a partner. But the truth is, there has been evidence that regular sexual activity actually raises your libido – just like how exercising a muscle regularly will make it stronger. The more you encourage bloodflow to your sexy parts, the more often those parts will be up for sex. So yes, if you suffer from a low sex drive, a vibrator may well be the cure!